The obligatory "New Year" post.

Welcome to 2009. How's it been for you so far? A lot like last year? Strange. What? You're thinking the new year is just another excuse for a party? Surely not! Lots of things have changed, like...er...like...the date.

Why do we love dividing time up? Is it just an excuse for a party? Is it so that by breaking it down into measurable and manageable chunks we can pretend that we can control Time, that fearsome and incomprehensible entity? "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" (Matt 6v27)

Is it so that we can breathe a sigh of relief that what may have been a problematic time is over, and vow to make a "fresh start?" Is it so that we can hope that "next year things will be better?"

2008 (and indeed the last month or so of 2007) wasn't the greatest year for me. There were good bits, and things I enjoyed, like spending time with my friends, singing in concerts and productions. But there were also disappointments- the fact that it rained nearly all my holidays, failures to get at decent job, being turned away from things I wanted to do because of people's opinions about me. There was confusion at times when I wasn't sure whether I was on the right track or what I should be doing about it. There were times when I've felt stuck in a rut, pigeon-holed by other people's opinions about who I am and unable to break out and do what I want, to use all my gifts, to live to my full potential. There were difficult relationships with other people, some breaking down for personal reasons while others were hard to keep up because of distance or busyness or lack of communication. I worried (and still do) about friends with their own problems, longing to help them but not having the words or the ways. Sometimes I felt so helpless as friends with health or emotional or employment struggles just couldn't see a way out. There were times when I just felt rubbish about myself, as if I wasn't worth anything, fed up that no matter what I tried to do, whether it was a job, singing or something at church there was always someone better than me, more qualified than me, more experienced than me. And I wasn't even able to feel angry that someone else had got a chance instead of me- because I knew they deserved it, and I didn't.

2008 feels like it's had more questions than answers, more calls to trust God than visible results of doing so. But I've still kept hold of that hope that someday things will be better, that the things I long for and pray for will happen (because some of them have). Life's on earth's never going to be perfect, I know. Especially the Christian life. Doing the right thing (in my case, what God wants) seems to mean in so many cases facing up to trouble, and yet not doing it ends up creating more trouble in the end. So in many ways I am hoping 2009 will be better. But most of all I'm hoping that I can keep trusting God, whatever happens, because I know he knows better than I do. A few answers would be nice! Sometimes I wonder if I'm missing something obvious...But ultimately "time is fleeting" and one day it'll all make sense. Until then I'll hold on to the hope that I have, because sometimes it's all I've got to hold on to.

Happy New Year to you all.