Yokes part 2- personal thoughts

This is a follow on to this post.  It isn't something I've written about before as it's a tricky subject and I don't want to offend any friends- Christian or not.  So please, don't either condemn me as a liberal or attack me as a religious weirdo without reading my reasoning and thinking about it.  Remember, I don't pretend to tell you that you should do what I do.  This is just my own thoughts on a subject I've thought about a fair bit, and I think I've seen enough from my experiences with friends to know what I'm talking about.


Possibly I'm protesting so strongly about the whole 'do not be yoked to unbelievers' thing for selfish reasons- because some of my closest friends aren't Christians. Perhaps I just want to avoid having to change something I'm happy with, or because of a hint of guilt. But this is something I've thought and prayed about a lot, and these are the conclusions I've come to.

I don't think Christians should avoid having friends who aren't Christians.  It's well known that most people who come to faith are introduced to it by a friend.  Hiving the church off from the world into some parallel universe of its' own making isn't being salt and light.  That's not what being distinctive means. 
I think it's a question of balance.  It isn't necessarily the relationship that's wrong, but the negative effect it can have on that person's faith.

I do have close friends who are not Christians. I know that in some things they different priorities and values from my own. That doesn't stop me being their friend. I respect where we differ on things, and rejoice where we agree, and if I can sensitively challenge someone to rethink where I believe they have got their priorities wrong, I try (and usually fail). Because as a friend they respect me too, they accept that, and perhaps reciprocate. My faith's strong enough to deal with that.

But I know that there is a big part of my life that a friend who's not a Christian can never share. They can't fully understand why I do everything I do, or what it means for me to be who I am, a child of God. They don't have the same priority in life- to praise God and serve him.  I have to remember that, and to watch and consider my actions to make sure they reflect that priority rather than those of the world around me.  That's how I can avoid becoming 'yoked' to anything that would distract me from my purpose- to follow Jesus. 

So what about the usual interpretation of "do not be yoked to unbelievers," the context of romantic relationships and marriage.  I suppose the key thing is whether or not forming such a relationship with a non-Christian is going to become something which prevents you getting closer to God.  I've seen couples where this kind of relationship has worked, and I'm happy for them.  But I've also seen couples where it hasn't worked, and has caused tension and a weakening of faith.  And my faith is such a massive part of who I am that I don't think I would feel right not being able to share it with my partner, or that it would be fair to them to make them conform to my priorities and principals when they don't share them.

That's my personal decision, based on what I've observed and experienced.  I don't say it's right or that it's what everyone should do.  Each person has to find their own limits and their own balance, to judge when something begins to get in the way of  their faith.  It's not always easy. Sometimes it seems like I'm taking risks that will cause me pain. Sometimes the fact that the people I'm close to don't understand or don't believe really hurts me. Sometimes I expect I get things wrong. For everyone, finding that balance is different, and maybe takes experimentation and mistakes. But that's ok. God sees our hearts, when we try to put him first in our lives, and forgives us.